Her essay blatantly states "this is who I am," and she makes it the job of the reader to overcome his or her preconceptions.There is a slight danger that she will get a reader who refuses to accept the "Goth" culture Carrie describes, but most readers will love the way Carrie approaches her topic as well as her straight-shooting style.
While you don't want to cater to people's biases, you also don't want to diminish your chances of getting into college.
Carrie, however, isn't one to tone down her identity during the admissions process.
Along with the expected takes on race and ethnicity, how many of those essays would present their authors as outcasts, loners, kids who didn’t fit in at his or her school?
How could I present myself as someone unique and interesting — strange, even — without falling prey to the cliché of the self-pitying social misfit?
In broader terms, however, all college admissions essays must accomplish a specific task: the admissions folks will be looking not just for good writing skills, but also evidence that the writer has the intellectual curiosity, open-mindedness, and strength of character necessary to be a contributing and successful member of the campus community. Also, the allusion to John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance" is appropriate given the song's message about acceptance and understanding.
It's not a title that is highly original, and it isn't the best hook for grabbing the reader's attention, but it is still a solid title.Let me be direct: in some ways, I am the antithesis of what one might picture as a student who contributes to campus diversity.I am white, middle-class, and heterosexual; I have no physical handicaps or mental challenges apart from a tendency towards sarcasm. My hair, naturally the same sandy blonde that the rest of my family shares, is dyed jet, sometimes highlighted in streaks of purple or scarlet. If I were inserted into those brochure photographs of typical college students, I would look like a vampire stalking her wholesome prey. Diversity goes beyond the physical; race or ethnicity might be the first things one thinks of, but really, it is a question of what makes someone the person that he or she is.But when I receive college brochures picturing smiling, clean-cut teens dressed in the latest from Abercrombie & Fitch and lounging on a blanket in the sun, I think, Simply put, I am a Goth. Diversity might be considered in terms of economic or geographical background, life experiences, religion, sexual orientation, and even personal interests and general outlook.In this respect, my Goth identity contributes a perspective that is far different from the mainstream.This example of a college admissions personal essay fits option #1 of the current Common Application: "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it.If this sounds like you, then please share your story." Carrie focuses on the issue of diversity and how her Goth identity could contribute to the richness of her campus community.Carrie clearly shows how she will add an interesting and desirable element to the campus community.The essay demonstrates that she has thought about identity and diversity, that she is open-minded, and that she has a thing or two to teach others about their preconceptions and biases.The essay has a level of maturity and self-confidence that the reader will find attractive.Also, the reader is likely to be impressed by the way that Carrie imagines her audience's reaction.